Here’s a simple four-step process that can help you make decisions and move in the direction that’s right for you.

Awareness.  Make a conscious effort to pay attention to where you are out of balance in your life, and notice where you can start making changes to get back into balance.

Desire.  Tune in to what you want really, really want – what you want more of in your life, and what you want less of.

Influences.   Identify the positive influences that lead you towards what you want.  And identify the negative influences that move you away from the balance you desire.

Action.  Create a strategy for change and put it into action.

Continually applying these four simple steps when making lifestyle choices will help move you in the direction of more happiness and fulfillment — the very real benefits of a well-balanced life.

Balance your life.  Live your spirit.

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Gratitude isn’t a new idea; most spiritual practices and philosophies emphasize gratitude and compassion for others. But in recent years gratitude has shifted from being an idea to a concrete tool that people can use to become happier and healthier.

“When we develop a sense of appreciation for those around us and cultivate a sense of gratitude for life itself, we are relieved of the burden that comes with seeing ourselves as ‘victims,’” writes Greg Krech in Gratitude, Grace and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection.
 
Krech calls this state of appreciation “grace,” a term used in many religions. However, grace as a practice is not a belief as much as a shift in thinking. Or as Krech puts it: “It’s the difference between seeing life as an entitlement and seeing it as a gift.”
 
However it is practiced, gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention.

Yes, pain, injustice and cruelty exist in this world. But when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. We often feel more energized to reach out and help others; we feel we have some power to positively affect our world, which leads back to a feeling of well-being and gratitude.

In her book Positivity, Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D., writes:  “When you recognize and truly appreciate someone else’s kindness toward you, you feel grateful. Their thoughtfulness touches your heart.

When you express your gratitude in words or actions, you not only boost your own positivity but theirs as well. And in the process you reinforce their kindness and strengthen your bond to each other.

Gratitude comes when we appreciate something that has come our way as a gift to be treasured. It opens your heart and carries the urge to give back – to do something good in return.”

Things I’m grateful for right now:  This blue sky summer day, fresh tomatoes ripening on the vine, birdsong outside my window, and all the little ways my husband has shown his love lately.

What are you truly and openly grateful for?

Balance your life.  Live your spirit.

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Several years ago, when I was stressed out by my hectic corporate job and lack of adequate personal time, my inner voice kept insisting, “I just want some peace and quiet.”

It took me some time to pay attention, but I eventually quit that corporate job and set out to attain a sense of balance in my life. After a while I realized that the need for “peace and quiet” was really a need for “breathing room”. The time and space to slow down a little in order to take better care of myself, to change, and to grow.

Think about the last few people you’ve greeted.  When you asked them how they were, was their response, “Good, busy, SO busy!”? This is the most common answer I hear.  We’ve become a culture that disregards boundaries.  We tend to frown on those who have time on their hands, because we value “productivity” and “achievement”. 

Do you find yourself doing that?  Do you measure your day by how “productive” you were?  What if we weren’t living with every moment of every day planned out?  What if every single day contained some breathing room?

Here are five simple ideas to increase the breathing room in your life:

Drive with the radio off when you’re in the car.  Welcome the quiet.

Take a walk with a loved one.  It clears the mind and provides the space to really connect with each other.

Cut out one hour of TV.  Spend that time thinking about how you might create more reserves of time, finances, energy, or space in your life.

Go to bed thirty minutes earlier and read for pleasure, write or draw in your journal, meditate or pray. Or simply get thirty minutes more sleep each night.

Get up one hour earlier and exercise or do something else you love.  It’s a great way to start the day.
 
May you find a way soon to gain the contentment, balance, and rest that a little breathing room can offer.

Balance your life.  Live your spirit.

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Distressing  events in life seem to come out of nowhere and feel completely unmanageable as we struggle to regain our footing and any semblance of “normal.”

How do we increase our inner strength and flexibility to not only survive personal adversity but continue to thrive? Here are several strategies that can help.

Take responsibility. Look at your role in the situation. Was the event, in fact, predictable? You may have had more control over the situation than you realized. At the same time, don’t take more responsibility than is warranted. Be honest, but don’t point fingers, not even at yourself.

Be optimistic and think creatively. Trust that there’s a solution to every problem and let your mind soar. Try to approach the problem from new and different angles.

Take good care of yourself.  Pay attention to your mind and body. Get enough rest; exercise regularly; articulate your needs and feelings; engage in relaxing activities that you enjoy.

Learn from the past. Recall other times when you have overcome challenges. How did you do it? Who or what helped you? Who or what can help you in this current situation?

Maintain a sense of humor. There’s truth in the adage: “Laughter is the best medicine.” Even in the darkest of times, laughter can help ease the pain.

Get support. No one can handle everything alone. When you get that overwhelmed feeling, or even before then, reach out. Ask for help. Next time, ask for it sooner. You’ll be amazed by how much better you feel.

Don’t quit. Persistence may be the greatest human quality that helps us overcome adversity. Draw inspiration from the great heroes of the world – Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi – people who persisted despite the odds.

Remember, you are your own best ally. Have faith in your inner resources, the true power that comes from within. You’re stronger and more resilient than you think.

Balance your life. Live your spirit.

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Our lives are inspired by people who have endured catastrophic life experiences and emerged the victor, rather than the victim. Helen Keller, Mahatma Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, and Elie Weisel are some of the more familiar names, but many of us have personally known individuals who have come through the other side of a wrenching experience with grace and humility.

If we could ask each one — the famous and the familiar — “What got you through your crisis?” in all likelihood the responses would be similar. One by one, they would describe inner resources that enabled them to survive. Brian Luke Seaward, author of Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water, calls those qualities “the muscles of the soul.” Courage, faith, humor, patience, compassion, imagination, humbleness, forgiveness, intuition, creativity, optimism, honesty, and love.

It is in exercising those muscles that the health of the human spirit is maintained. And the fitness of the spirit is vital to our total well-being.

With the understanding that there is a definite link between stress and disease, practitioners in all areas of health are beginning to recognize that to be healthy, one must acknowledge and nurture the human spirit.

Seaward offers seven suggestions for ensuring the well-being of the human spirit:

The Art of Self-Renewal
Self-renewal is a continual process. To be present and attentive to those around us and strong for others in times of need, we must first attend to our own capacity for strength and endurance. Typically this begins with some aspect of the centering process, going within to calm and replenish.

The Practice of Sacred Rituals
We attribute specific habits and various customs as more special than others, then gravitate toward those activities and make them routine so that we are reminded of life’s sacredness. Special readings or meditations in the morning, witnessing the sunset every night, regular meetings of certain groups to which we belong — all manner of activities can serve as a constant reminder that we are connected to something greater.

Sweet Forgiveness
Every act of forgiveness is an act of unconditional love. For forgiveness to be unconditional, you must be willing to let go of all feelings of anger and resentment. We forgive others and we forgive ourselves.

Embracing the Shadow
Embracing the shadow means to acknowledge negative, judgmental thoughts, and send a message of acceptance and compassion to that part of ourselves where those thoughts and perceptions originate.

Keep the Faith
The power of faith requires balance. It is good to remember that “We are given no task too great to bear.” Faith is there to guide us through moments of turbulence.

Live Your Joy
Living your joy is seeking and appreciating life’s beautiful side. It reminds us to live in the present moment rather than become immobilized by that which is past or that which is yet to come.

Compassion in Action
Compassion in action can be explained in one word — service, and service offers a dividend of love to all parties involved.

As the daily pressures of life pile up, effective coping skills and relaxation techniques are essential for calming the body and quieting the mind.  Practicing some of these suggestions could make a big difference in your sense of life balance and well-being.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

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Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it. From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing.

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing.

If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to the horse’s halter is a small bell. It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you’ll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn’t too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who have been placed in our lives.

Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way.

Good friends are like that – you may not always see them, but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell. And if you are the one wearing the bell, then I’ll listen for yours. And remember – be kinder than necessary.  It is inspiring.

[ I don't know the author of this meaningful story or I would have honored him or her with an attribution. I do know it's so beautiful that I want to dedicate it to my good friend Judith. I'm quite sure she'll "get it". ]

Explore. Dream. Discover.

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1.   You know what you want.
2.   You fully believe you deserve it.
3.   You are prepared to accept the answer “No.”
4.   You have the communication skills to make an effective request.

What Do You Want?
Wants emerge from needs you are experiencing, for example: the need to be heard, the need for respect, beauty, intimacy. Knowing exactly what the need is helps you be clear about what you are requesting.

It’s helpful to distinguish between needs that move us towards well-being and those that never really bring happiness, such as the desire for approval or the need to be right.

Believe You Deserve It
If you think you can’t have what you want, take time to examine your beliefs. Make a list of all the things you want, then write all the reasons you can’t have them. Are these reasons really true?

Have you made decisions about “reality” or made assumptions about others that keep you from even asking for what you want? When you ask people for what you want, you offer them the opportunity to contribute, something we all like to do.

Prepare for the Answer “No”
Asking for what you truly want honors your experience and brings you into deeper alignment with the essence of who you are. You connect with your own humanness and know where you stand.

Having asked, it may no longer be as important that you get exactly what you want. The asking in itself is empowering, so you may find that some compromise is acceptable after all.

Effective Communication
Tony Robbins, author, speaker, and advisor to world leaders says, “The answer is always ‘no’ if you don’t ask.” So true! And asking is more successful when you follow these guidelines for effective communication:

State your need clearly, followed by your request.

Ask in the form of a request, rather than a demand.

Ask for what you want in the present (not “I wanted you to help me with the kids yesterday.”)

Ask for what you do want, not what you don’t want. (“I’d like you to spend more time with me,” not “I don’t want you to be away at work so much.”)

Detach from the outcome.

Remember that empowerment comes in the asking. When you ask for what you want, you have planted not only the seeds of better communication, but of more clearly knowing who you are, which is present in what you want.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

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Let’s be honest. Much of the stress we experience is a result of the choices we make and the lifestyles we lead.

Try some of these positive lifestyle choices to experience a sense of calm and restore your energy: 

Organize your living and work spaces.  An organized space is more calming than clutter. Plus, you spend less time looking for things.

Organize your time.  You only have so much time. Spend it on the things that are of greatest importance to you.

Cultivate a supportive social circle.  Research tells us that surrounding ourselves with people who support us leads to healthier, happier, and longer lives.

Take care of your body.  The stress of day-to-day living can take a toll on your body. By engaging in regular exercise and healthy eating habits, your body becomes stronger, the effects of stress are reduced and your health increases.

Refresh your spirit.  The old saying “attitude is everything” has validity. Reading something uplifting, being on vacation, creative activities, journaling, meditating, praying, and spending time in nature are all ways to renew your spirit.

I leave you with a final thought worth remembering in support of calmness and balanced energy:

“The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.” ~ James Allen

Explore. Dream. Discover.

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What if you knew that the next few minutes would be your final moments on earth? What might be your most heartfelt thoughts and prayers?

And then what if, against all odds, you survived and got a second chance? What impact might the gift of a “new” life have on you and your loved ones? How might this affect your sense of life balance?

I recently had the pleasure of being well and truly hugged by Beth McHugh, one of the survivors of US Airways flight 1549 that landed in the Hudson River last year.

Beth is often called upon to share her experience by speaking in public and I attended one of her talks.

As she told her story of the crash landing and its aftermath, Beth shared the four key qualities and feelings that guide her now in her “renewed” life:

Acceptance of situations and people we cannot change.

Hope for something better; something to strive for.

Gratitude for all the things we usually take for granted.

Kindness toward others; more caring connections with people.

Ever since she was lifted out of that icy cold river, Beth has been hugging everyone she knows and every new person she meets. And these are no ordinary hugs!

Beth hugs like she means it.  I felt a little like I’d been touched by a miracle that day. And by a kind, thoughtful woman who is using her near death experience as a force for good in the world.

You can read Beth’s story and those of other Miracle on the Hudson survivors in the inspiring book Brace for Impact by Dorothy Firman and Kevin Quirk. Click on the book cover above to learn more at amazon.com.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

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~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Have you ever been guilty of taking your stress out on someone you love? Has someone you live with been able to sense your stress as soon as you walk through the door at the end of the work day? Does the question “how was your day?” often ignite a lengthy rant of negativity?

It’s quite natural for stress from one area of our life to seep into other areas. When you are feeling stress in other areas of your life and it is affecting your relationships, try executing a “pre-emptive strike.”

Before your frustration starts to bubble over, have an honest talk with the people closest to you.  Let them know that you’re facing a stressful period.  Reassure them that it is not about them, but about another issue you’re facing.  (Unless, of course, it is about them; but that’s a different message.)

The talk may go something like this:

“I’m anticipating a lot of stress over the next two weeks at work.  My boss has asked me to complete a project on a short deadline, and I’m working with a colleague who is difficult for me to get along with.  I may be grumpier than normal, but I want you to know it’s not about you.  I’ll try not to bring my stress into our relationship, but you’ll probably see the stress on my face and hear it in my voice.  So I appreciate your patience and understanding while I go through this.”

Those words in and of themselves can help any relationship navigate more smoothly through stressful times. Remember to emphasize that it’s only temporary and that you’ll let them know when it’s over.

Clarify this, and you will have more peace during your stressful period, because your loved ones will feel like teammates instead of adversaries.  This alone will lighten your load.

Please share your thoughts on this by leaving a comment.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

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